Rebalancing and Refocusing in the New Year

Hello, friends 😊.

It’s been a little while since I last promised to write to you all, but here I am.

The past few months have been extremely lush and cozy, I have to say. But, internally, I’ve been feeling a little bit… funky.

A little too overstimulated, a little too hard on myself, and a little too stuck in my expectations. I’ve noticed myself leaning more into how I feel things should go and how the end of my year needed to pan out.

So, my body obviously decided that I needed to take a second. I was focusing too much on what was around me and not enough on what was inside of me.

Everything is so loud. The streets, the shops, the gyms, my social media apps, my thoughts, my fears, my anxieties.

The thing about finding inner peace, is that it’s not something that ever leaves me. It’s something that is always there, at the foundation. It’s what we feel immediately as we wake up in the morning.

But it’s short lived.

Once we gain consciousness, we remember all the things we “have” to be worried about; things that take up our mental capacity in our daily lives. All of a sudden, our inner peace is overshadowed by stresses of existing as a human being.

And after the holidays, I wanted to make a concerted effort to focus on myself, but not in a way I’ve done previously.

I’ve really enjoyed just letting myself enjoy each special mundane moment of my life since this year has started. Setting myself up for success yes, but also not allowing myself to get caught up in my own expectations about how I should feel, how others should behave, and how I should show up.

By adapting to each scenario and trying my hardest to be accepting. To be conscious of my thoughts but not allowing myself to attach to them.

I made some aspirations. Not resolutions. I curated a list of affirming characteristics that I want to see in my life this year and implement into my daily life. Things to strive for. Not to kill myself over.

Ideas that I want to embody. Ideals that sit in the back of my mind as I make conscious decisions each day, no matter how small.

For example, I strive to spend less money on frivolous things, so I ask myself if I really need what I’m about to buy.

I strive to tap into my creativity this year, so I ask myself “Should I spend these next 2 hours before bed scrolling on Tik Tok, or writing? Maybe painting? Signing up for a pottery class, an improv class, a masterclass in crocheting?”

I strive to eat more whole foods and challenge myself in the kitchen this year, so how should I adapt my grocery list?

Things like that 😊.  

This year is all about going inward. Taking stock. Really showing myself how capable I am. Letting myself lead a path. Not focusing on long term goals.

Just showing up. Everyday.

With my own presence and consciousness to move me forward.

I’ve realized I need to be aligned with the true core of who I am and how I’m showing up every day, before I decided where I want to go and how to get there.

I want to let others be. I want to think about my reactions and my behavior first and foremost. To compartmentalize.

To remain grateful in the face of fear and anxiety.

And guess what? I’ve realized that I actually…. Have time.

I’ve lived my ENTIRE life in pursuit of making the most out of life and running as fast as I can to do everything I can while I’m young and to reach success so fast. It’s ingrained into our society to pressure us to do the most. It’s celebrated.

And although I still feel like I will live with this mindset for the rest of my life, I’m realizing that I simply have time.

I have time to do what I want at the pace I want.

I have time to discover new hobbies and give up on things that no longer serve me.

I have time to grow and change and travel and change my opinions and live differently than how I am now.

And that’s the beauty of this life. Some days I’m going to want to be in overdrive and to celebrate living like it’s my last day.

And some days, I’ll want to really sit back and rest and revel in what’s been placed before me and to rebalance myself.

And to be honest, life is not about constantly improving yourself: about picking ourselves apart, scrutinizing imperfections, trying to make yourself perfect.

Whatever way you slice it, there will always be a “better” alternative. A “but shouldn’t I be doing that instead?” thought process.

Life is about noticing the mess of it all- the pain, the heartbreak, the unfairness – and trying to find pockets of beauty, where we can.

So just so you know…you have time. Take stock.

Take a deep breath and slow down 😊.