An Ode to Summer

Summer seems to be everyone’s favorite season. Or at least most people I know.

It’s the first breath you take after a long winter. It’s the cool drink of water after a sweltering day in the sun. It’s the excitement right before you get on a rollercoaster. It’s a sweet smile from a stranger. It’s the shower after a day at the beach. It’s sipping sweet wine looking onto a stunning view with people you love. It’s the joy in a child’s laughter. It’s the freshness of opening a new book.  It’s the glimmer of hope after a hard school season. It’s the lush green leaves on the trees, the salt air and warm wind in your hair. It’s the elation that your soul is finally returning after a long, stressful couple of months. It’s often a new beginning. A new chance to jump at any opportunity that comes your way.

I’ve never been the BIGGEST fan of summer, even though all the above ring true for me. My family has a boat and every summer we’d head down to Norris Lake and spend most weekends there. I cherish every memory.

But, I’ve always been impartial to the season, as it always meant wearing less clothes and being in a bathing suit. It’s sweat and chub rub. It’s dehydration and comparison. It’s when I’m most relaxed, yes. But also when I’m my most antsy. Like I feel like I should be accomplishing something and having a stupidly amazing time while doing it but that can be exhausting sometimes. Once I hit middle school, summer became less and less appealing to me.

Until now.

It’s like the childhood wonder I associated with the summer season has been awakened in me again. A chance to explore more of the world. Like that first feeling of your bare feet in the soft grass.

I usually gravitate more towards the fall and the winter as my preferred seasons, mostly because I’m a creature of comfort. I feel my most at ease when I’m snuggled under lots of blankets, watching a comfort show, or reading a book. Usually, people that I love are also there and there are candles burning and a fire roaring. I’m sipping something warm and tasty. I love the cozy months.

Summer is none of these things. It’s warm outside, so being indoors doesn’t feel right. I’m forced to spend most of my time outside, which I don’t mind because I love the sunshine and the warmth. But it’s a season of putting yourself out there, literally, and figuratively. It’s a season to meet new people, to try new things and to get out of your comfort zone. It’s when most people take risks. When you show more of yourself then usual. People see you. People come to life.

It all makes so much sense. Summer is so warm and sunny because during this time our part of the earth is directly under the sun. People are always outdoors, and the days are longer. This exposes the beauty of nature, grasses are green, flowers bloom and birds sing.

Summer is associated with life, birth, and rebirth. It gives life to everything around us. Nature feels alive again.

This is why it is so celebrated. And I get it now.

Because I have just had the best summer of my entire life. 

It’s the first summer I’ve spent in Chicago. Completely on my own. The past 9 months of living here have built up to the experience that “summertime Chi” was offering me. And yea, it did live up to its standards.

Not just because of the city itself. But because I’ve created something that’s entirely my own.

I’ve spent this summer traveling, meeting new friends, seeing old friends, eating new foods, waking up earlier, and staying up later. I’ve made a conscious effort to relish in my new life and I haven’t missed home as much. I’ve had opportunities to grow in my career and create more art. I’ve been swimming, running, singing, dancing, and (lol) drinking more. I’ve been saying “yes” more often. I’ve laughed constantly. Felt more joy than I have in a long time. I’ve been more inspired. I’ve focused on my friendships, and my relationship with myself. I’ve connected more with family. I’ve given myself the space to fall back in love with life.

I’d been walking on rocky ground trying to find my footing. Feeling unworthy, unloved, and unsettled.

Now, every morning, I’ve been looking at the sunshine, feeling steadier than ever.

I’ve been writing more. Being more intentional with my time and with who I spend it with. Protecting my peace.

I’ve learned my boundaries and have enforced them. I’m not attaching my worth to my past romantic relationships, and I’m not lowering my standards in order to get into a new one. I’m putting myself above anything else.

I’m allowing myself to feel and to love deeply. Not attaching shame to my thoughts.

I don’t know what it is about this summer, but the air around me feels lighter. More accepting. I’ve realized that I am right where I need to be. 

I’ve borne more of my soul to the world, but most importantly, to myself.

I am the most radically and unapologetically myself these days and it is ELATING. I feel beautiful, loved, and cherished.

It’s the summer I fell back in love with myself.

With my life.

And, holy shit, I cannot wait to see what this next year has in store.

Talk soon

xx,

Hannah