It’s 2023 and Quality Time is Hard

 So, I wanted to keep with the love theme this week. Because I LOVE love. And I probably won’t ever shut up about it.

I hope that everyone had a beautiful and wonderful Valentine’s Day and that you all celebrated accordingly. I had a man from Hinge tell me on Tuesday that you need a Valentine to celebrate Vday, and I unmatched with him. I just completely disagree.

Valentine’s Day is the perfect excuse to celebrate all of the love in your life, and your ability to take in love and experience love. It’s a day to celebrate romantic love, platonic love, self-love, passion, compassion, anything! Don’t be bitter. C’mon.

On the topic of lovey things, I wanted to share a special idea with you all today: the idea of quality time. 

It’s one of my love languages. It’s a concept that a lot of people identify as something that is essential to life. Spending quality time with ourselves, the people around us, our pets, our colleagues; we can all agree that it’s important, right?

Yet, it means something different to everyone. For some, it’s sitting in silence and working on your computers together, and to others it’s playing a sport. For some it’s having an intellectual conversation, and for others it’s going on a walk.

Quality time is technically referred to as “time spent in giving another person one’s undivided attention in order to strengthen a relationship.” But, today, I feel like what we think is quality time with someone, isn’t as quality as it could be.

I have been reading the book Sacred Powers by David Ji, and at the very beginning of the book, the author shares his perspective on this term “quality time”.

His philosophy is quite in depth and a lot of his ideals stem from the idea of presence and pure connection. He talks about the fact that this physical life of ours is as short as a “flash of lightning.” And that this fact alone should inspire us to celebrate our own presence right now – and that of everyone in our lives.

But there is a sort of “optical delusion of our consciousness” that can cloud each moment instead, distracting us. It’s preventing us from drinking in every moment and recognizing that separation is an illusion. With our loved ones, we need to seize the moment because tomorrow is not promised to anyone.

As Henry David Thoreau says, we must be able “to live deliberately… to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life.”

Deep, right? I know. But there is so much truth to it.

Because we claim to “love” our friends, family, and significant others, we think that we only reserve our heart based, encouraging, and kind words and thoughts for them. But, the sad reality is, that we often take our loved ones for granted the most.

And I’m not here to judge. Because I do this all the time.

My intentions are to always shower those closest to me with the greatest amount of attention and care, and I feel as though I’m quite good at this. But I admit, I frequently give that treatment to those who don’t really know me intimately. People I’ve just met, clients, customers, vendors, and new relationships. Because I try to make the best impression. 

I’ve definitely snapped at a loved one after having a tough day or a difficult encounter, even though it had nothing to do with them. I’ve been unknowingly snide, sarcastic, snarky, biting, and downright mean to someone I love who had little or nothing to do with my initial frustration. I’ve been texting and staring at my phone while someone I care about was talking to me. I got angry with someone I love simply because they were encroaching on my mental space.

I have been someplace else in my mind while I’ve been spending “quality time” with a loved one.

I have been impatient with a loved one when they did not deserve it.

I have been frustrated and annoyed seeing a loved one’s dishes in the sink, or clutter in shared spaces, or heard them talking loudly on the phone when I’m trying to focus.

But would I have gotten as irritated if I know they were going to die soon?

Because they will one day.

It gives me chills.

And as difficult as it is to even think about that, the reality is that we all are going to die one day.

And with that knowledge of that, shouldn’t the evidence of their presence in your life and in this world make you want to hug them and never let them go, instead of, like, scold them?

It really makes me think about the intention I place in the timing I spend with those who have only EVER been steadfast and true supporters. These people have loved me and held me in times of need, have pushed me to be the best, and have spoken behind my back with the utmost adoration and love. The LEAST I could do is spend uninterrupted and intentional time with them.

So, yea. Something to think about.

Quality time is a constant exercise in loving what is and celebrating those who share this life with you. If you or a loved one shares this love language with you, here are a few ways that I enjoy spending quality time with others:

·       Cooking or baking together

·       Play board games

·       Talking and catching up at the end of each day

·       Join a book club

·       Share favorite songs and listen together

·       Look at old pictures and videos and talk about memories

·       Take walks

·       Start a new hobby together

·       Drink wine and paint a canvas

·       Do grocery shopping together

·       Spend the day together with phones on airplane mode

·       Plan a trip together

·       Volunteer together… I recommend an animal shelter 😊.

Although it seems small, spending actual quality time with those you love adds to a connection that will get stronger as you nurture it. Pay attention. And live with intention.

Love you all.

Talk soon,

Hannah <3