Joy > Happiness

They say the only true goal in life is to be happy. And successful. Bonus if it’s both.

But what does it mean? Is happiness really the “ultimate purpose” of the human experience?

I’ve always considered myself to be a decently happy person. Others would say that about me too. I’ve been dealt a pretty good hand, and I’m acknowledging this as a reason for my “happiness”.  I’ve been given all the tools to gain success and “happiness”.

So, why do I sometimes feel as though the “pursuit” of happiness actually makes me sad? Why am I waiting for the dream job, the perfect partner, and the healthiest and most bangin’ body for me to be truly happy? And beating myself up for not being there already? Because although I love my life right now, I wouldn’t say I’m the happiest I could be. And honestly, it seems kind of unattainable to even get to that state.

Don’t get me wrong, there are days where I’m on cloud nine and feel amazing. But there are also days where I struggle at work, start spiraling about finding someone who will love me, or I feel like a piece of shit in my skin.  It’s like I’m making no progress in finding the “true happiness” that everyone talks about.

It’s almost like riding the train. Being happy starts and stops frequently. Which makes sense. Because life is a continuous process of experiencing life situations, emotions, and events. And happiness will never be forever. There’s no clear start or end.

And in this search for “perpetual happiness” we search for physical things in order to fulfill our inner world. Fancy cars, vacations, clothes, drugs, alcohol, sex, money, plastic surgery, etc. Band aids for bullet holes. It’s like if we can prove that we’re “happy and successful” on the outside that it’ll fix our deep wounds on the inside.

And outside validation does help. For a little while. To me validation = being loved = happiness. Right?

Wrong. Haha. It’s actually contentment that we need. An appreciation and acceptance for where you are, right here right now.

And if you don’t have contentment, you’ll never have enough. That chase will eventually end in crashing and burning.

So, yea, I’ve kind of given up on the happiness thing. Because, honestly, searching for contentment seems a whole lot less intimidating.

Let me paint a picture.

Picture 1: This morning, I awoke to my alarm at 6:00 AM. I picked up my friends and we all went to jump in Lake Michigan at 7 AM. We all hurried back to start work for the day, begrudgingly, and I put some laundry in to prep for the weekend. I took a shower, and started on work, already wishing the day was over so the weekend could start.

Picture 2: I woke up this morning at 6 AM, to my alarm coming from my brand new phone that is now fully charged. I saw texts from some friends saying how excited they were to go to swim this morning. I smiled to myself. I got up and brushed my teeth and put on my favorite swimsuit and some comfy sweat shorts, I greeted Maggie as I always do, with smiles and giggles and good mornings as we both putz around our beautiful and cozy apartment. It’s a beautiful day, and the sun is just coming up. The warmth feels good on my face. Maggie and I walk to my old, but trusty car, turn our favorite music on and drive to pick up our friends. We all squeeze in on our way to the beach, and I realize how lucky I am to have people in my life willing to do fun things like this early in the morning. And to have sweet friends who make me laugh, and ultimately forget about my bad dream. We get to the lake and relish in the cold water hitting our bodies and how joyful everyone is around us. The water feels cold and refreshing on my face and we are all healthy enough to swim for 15 minutes. I can’t stop laughing because sometimes, even the sheer fact of being with these people makes me laugh out of joy. We get out and dry off with plans to walk back to the car to grab coffee at Starbucks, which I’m always excited for. I’m walking barefoot in the grass, and it feels amazing on my feet. I breathe in the fresh air, before we walk back to the car to get our coffees and eventually finish the work week. We have special dinner plans tonight, and my sweet friend, Shelby is visiting later today. I haven’t seen her in awhile and I’m elated that I get to reconnect with her.

I could go on and on. But which picture sounds better to you?

It’s kind of a trick question. Because those pictures are the same. Those moments are the same.

Although nothing monumental happened this morning, I still felt so touched by the little moments I got to experience in such a short time. And lately, I’ve been less focused on the pursuit of happiness, and more on the pursuit of joy. Of being present. I don’t want to miss these moments.

There’s a way to paint this picture in your painful moments too. Because the thing is, happiness is temporary. But finding joy in the small things is infinite. When you’re sad you gravitate towards the little things that bring you joy, not the monumental experiences that supposedly will make you “happy”. That said, joy is constant.

Honestly, I may never be fully happy. Happiness isn’t the ultimate purpose in life. The purpose of the human experience is to FEEL. To feel DEEP. To experience the ups and downs of life, and to be touched DEEPLY by the things that make you human. Your sensitivity, your emotions.

Happiness comes and goes. But finding the joy in everything, even during the hard times, will create the moments of growth and connection to yourself to ultimately transform your life into what is meant to be.

And on your way, make sure to appreciate how far you’ve come. You’ve created a life for yourself, and you should relish in your hard work and all the beautiful things it has afforded you so far.

Joy > Happiness.

Life can be even more beautiful than you think. The beauty is right there in front of you. Please, choose to see it.

Talk soon,

Hannah